I clued into it today.
Invited to go see the grandpa with Alzheimer's - I considered it.
The pros and cons of the situation.
I have homework.
I have plans tonight.
He is my grandfather.
I love him dearly.
I am totally and utterly positive that I would break into tears.
I'm not emotionally capable of being strong today.
I need to be strong for him, my father, my grandmother.
What if this is the last time he recalls who I am. (supremely negative, I know)
I need to have my emotions figured out before being able to effectively support others in this situation.
I love him.
I'm afraid to see him.
I'm afraid I'm going to remember him this way, with this sense of loss, and this just terrifies me.
So I choose not to go, and cry with fear of the unknown future.