Feb 20, 2012

Thankful for

Health care, I guess.

The fact that my pain today isn't bad neuropathic pain. Because that is by far the worse pain.

I'm not thankful for pain meds which cause such bad side effects you can't take them. Nor am I thankful for the side effects and being in more pain. Fuck off.

Feb 8, 2012

This was going to be about wool socks

And how they keep my toes so toasty, and how they make my life that much better. Reality check. Semester is winding down. You are almost done your degree, you wrote what is likely your final exam today. But the one thing you feel is missing is that special person to share in this moment with.

Pity party right here.

Jan 29, 2012

a conclusion

i discovered the overwhelming joy of dance music in the shower this week, why it had never occurred to me to shower dance before? well i don't know, i can only state that my obituary will likely one day state a warning about headbanging to music whilst on a wet and slippery bathtub surface

Jan 15, 2012

i lied

i have a goal

find happiness

four months...

i've been a terrible blogger, mainly a terrible everything as of late. i think that's okay every once and awhile, yes?

new year, and I haven't made any new years resolutions. my mind is stuck in this 'finish school, don't panic and keep that last slice of sanity you actually have' mode.

i did start the year off with a great trip to the Dr. where I burst into tears and demanded that they actually find a cause for the pain that has been gripping me and driving me nuts for the past couple of years. hopefully we find a medication to treat the pain and one which doesn't actually give me greatly undesirable side effects upon sneezing.
i mainly set small goals for myself anymore, like 'do not cry on the bus today', 'make it to sleep without crying' 'just cry once in the shower, and no where else'.

its great to know that chronic pain goes hand in hand with higher rates of depression and anxiety.
all i want to do is finish my degree and take some me time, to figure my head out and who I am.
i've come to realize that it was not a wise idea for me to find out i'm infertile, and then start school, and get so wrapped up with the bullshit academic world. that my head space, that my well being as a whole person, would fall to the wayside, with school and 'life' taking priority.

i want my brain back, i want to stop polluting it with bullshit academic irrelevance, i want to read what i want to read and think what i want to think. please and thank you. lets hope these final four months pass quickly, and with some semblance of sanity.

Nov 13, 2011

I hate how as much as I want to communicate.
I lack the skills to do it effectively.

Oct 11, 2011


it's funny how you find solace in the strangest of places

in conversations with your cousins, realizing that they know exactly how it is you feel

that they share in the same pain, the same love, and the same sadness as you

Oct 2, 2011

smart people would contain their jealousy

i am not so sure when i became this person

but apparently beer out of crystal snifters, is not only necessary depending on the type of beer (in this case a fruity triple) but because it is generally awesome