Jan 15, 2012

four months...

i've been a terrible blogger, mainly a terrible everything as of late. i think that's okay every once and awhile, yes?

new year, and I haven't made any new years resolutions. my mind is stuck in this 'finish school, don't panic and keep that last slice of sanity you actually have' mode.

i did start the year off with a great trip to the Dr. where I burst into tears and demanded that they actually find a cause for the pain that has been gripping me and driving me nuts for the past couple of years. hopefully we find a medication to treat the pain and one which doesn't actually give me greatly undesirable side effects upon sneezing.
i mainly set small goals for myself anymore, like 'do not cry on the bus today', 'make it to sleep without crying' 'just cry once in the shower, and no where else'.

its great to know that chronic pain goes hand in hand with higher rates of depression and anxiety.
all i want to do is finish my degree and take some me time, to figure my head out and who I am.
i've come to realize that it was not a wise idea for me to find out i'm infertile, and then start school, and get so wrapped up with the bullshit academic world. that my head space, that my well being as a whole person, would fall to the wayside, with school and 'life' taking priority.

i want my brain back, i want to stop polluting it with bullshit academic irrelevance, i want to read what i want to read and think what i want to think. please and thank you. lets hope these final four months pass quickly, and with some semblance of sanity.